The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
