Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
