Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
