I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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