Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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