seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
