I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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