Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
