I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
if only i could text you this smell
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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