he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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