New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
