Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
