MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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