My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
