just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
