Don't you send me to vm
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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