Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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