I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
