i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
