He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
