I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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