It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
