You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
