My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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