At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
