I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
