i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
