she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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