I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
