woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
