Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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