so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
