I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
