i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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