I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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