I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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