Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my shit smells like andre
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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