I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
