we're blogging at a bar
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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