rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
