Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
