Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
