seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
