If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I puked a lego.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
