Non-Jews are for practice
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
