I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
