update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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