Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
