she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
