I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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