things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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