I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
