At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
